Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 6:43pm.
i want to apologize in advance for all the typos in this blog. i just got my nails done and they're really comically long.
second of all, i'm fucking done job searching. no, seriously. marriage is good for some things and letting myself go should be one of them. also, i have a job; i'm a fucking nanny. and i'm semi-good at it. the kids love me, the parents love me. i hate myeslf, but that's kinda expected when yoiu're wiping asses all day and getting vomited on. i get paid a lot and under the table. orion gets all kind of tax breaks because i'm considered a dependant, having no taxible job and all. i take naps in the middle of the afternoon. i pack the kids into the stroller and go shopping. we spend whole days at the zoo and the park and starbucks.
that said, i am the shame of my family. i accept this. i mean, i was born female so that was already a strike against me. my dad recently told me that they would never dream of sending my younger siblings to public school because "look how that little experiment turned out" with me. experiment? turned out? i'm the only one in my entire patriarchal line who has ever graduated from a four year university! not that it's really helped me much barring the $375 in student loan payments i make a month.
at a baseball game my mom recently introduced me as, (and i swear to god this is exactly how it came out, rebatim) "this is my daughter grace, she just graduated from depaul. (two beat pause) she's a nanny."
it's not that i didn't try. i've spent the last six months doing rigorous job searching, but the entire country is bogged down in this thing called, oh, what's the word i'm look for?... RECESSION.
no job that's worth a damn is going to hire someone entry level and pay more than i'm making now. it's that simple. people keep saying "just lie on your resume, you're smart, don't say you have no experience" but fucka that. i don't reely have a rebuttal, and i don't want to make it sound like i have all these ridiculous principles that, let's face it, i don't. i just want a job thAT wants me back. lying on your resume is kind of like lying ina personal ad, i think. you may call yourself a thin, blonde art afficianado, but eventually you'll have to meet epople who'll see you're really a chubby, bleach-haird, thirty year old with a bunch of imprssionist posters on your bedroom walls. what's the poing of lying? if my goal is to get a job i'm comfortable in do i really wan to pretend i'm something i'm not? gah
also, what the fuck sarah palin?! i just read People magazine (where i get all my unbiased poltical ideology) and found out you didn't even own a passport until recently. are you serious? you want to make foreign policy when you've never visited a foreign country. get out of here!!!
that last paragraph will be, i'm sure, another brick in the wall of shame all the rest of the hussars build against me. that, and my recent announcement that i was going to get used to being married for a little while before we start talking about planning babies, which led to a very awkward conversation that started with my dad saying, "you don't plan babies, they just happen..."
riiiiight.
one of my parent's neightbors told me at their block party that i was "the david sedaris" of my family. and then laughed and said "you know who that is right?" do i know who that it? the gay man who writes about his crazy family? is that me? my gay friends do frequently say that i'm a flamboyant gay man trapped in a staright woman's body, but i always chalked that up to my bawdy sense of humor, frequent swears, and love of karaoke and showtunes (or showtune karaoke...AWESOME). maybe i should be focusing more of my energy on writing a gay memoir... hmmm. they are veery in lately, and banakable....
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