The Role of Nature in Wordsworth's "Tintern Abbey"

Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Current mood: dorky
Category: Automotive

i'm going to say this is "pre-writing" while i mull over The Role of Nature as a Meditative Force in Wordsworth's Writing. 2500 words (i think that's ten pages?) due...oh yeah, YESTERDAY.

the problem is perhaps spring-related. i feel pretty dicombobulated. i'm having some trouble forming proper sentences. this could also be alcohol and late-night related. i mean, there are tons of excuses for not doing what you're supposed to be doing. right?

i'm in the process of leaving the funeral home. basically, i was hired for ten hours a week and am now working (usually) over forty. this can change from week to week with no notice and that makes my regular income anything but stable. when i started there were three other members of the "support staff" and now there is only one- me. If there are ten wakes this week, i am expected to counsel ten different families and work seven days; if there is one, i am told i don't need to come into work at all. you'd think my spontaneous sensibilities would thrive on this sort on unpredictability, unfortunatly that is not the case. I find I am, one week, being the best friend/girlfriend/sister/daughter/student on the planet and the next week being bitchy, tired, and completely unavailable. so not cool. also my other two jobs are suffering: i crashed the accounting program at Windward Sports one day, was two weeks late doing their taxes, and completely forgot to do payables this month. I've cancelled my last two nanny days and turned down three catering jobs.

the funeral home is like an abusive spouse. it alienates me from my normal life, beats the fuck out of me on a regualr basis, and makes me look at things like a five-month-old, beaten to death, just to prove how good i've actually got it.

The weird thing is how many suicides we've gotten in this month. three, cupping the Easter holiday. i'm trying to ignore the irony of resurrection and all that. they're probably the heardest to work because i find it's almost impossible to talk to the family. i know it sounds horrible, but in a lot of ways, suicide seems contagious. you can't help but try and limit your exposure to it. it's also not like you could say the usual stuff, and every family deals with it differently so it's hard to gauge their reaction to it initially and you have to be sure you're not saying wrong, possibly offensive things. The people involved are definately the most sensitive.

so i'm quitting, or i will be quitting before the summer.

i'm also moving to the Anguilla in the british west indies, where no one ever dies.


Currently reading:
The Bookseller of Kabul
By Asne Seierstad
Release date: 26 October, 2004