Wednesday, November 11, 2009
first of all, can i just say that i brought back the above the knee boot? seriously, there's been some debate about this, but last winter everyone was calling me a hooker for wearing the most comfortable above-the-knee black leather boots (that were flats, i might add- hardly hookerish) and this season everyone everywhere is wearing them. i think my mom just bought a pair. so just to clear that up, i AM taking full credit for this trend.
whoo, glad to get that out of the way. i feel better.
secondly, a lot has been going on. i'm going to try and divide this note into sections (like an outline of a thesis paper) so that i don't get sidetracked. A- career-ish things that i may need some feedback on. B- the possible demonic possession of my apartment C-jon and kate plus 8 and D- general complaints about things
A- my interview at an the un-named welfare society for babies in an undisclosed suburb:
SO, more and more i am feeling like i need to shit or get off the pot, career-wise. I have been a nanny for over two years now and soon the twinsies will be entering pre-school. I have no idea how i fell into this profession, but apparently i'm good at it. so good in fact and more and more people keep reccomending me to more and more people and as much as i raise my rates i can't keep business down. for a while i briefly toyed with the idea of starting a babysitter's club so that i could keep all my clients. a while ago i made a really really bad business mistake by cutting one jewish family off of my list because then i lost ALL of my jewish clients, seriously, it's like there's a secret babysitter phone-tree at the synogogue; i lost 6 clients for cutting one family that routinely booked me several weeks in advance and then called and cancelled on very short notice (like, when i pulling into their driveway).
so i learned that babysitting, like dating, is a minefield. you cannot be mature and say "i apologize for doing this, but it doesn't make business sense for me to continue to book jobs with you guys. you have cancelled the last 4 times you've booked me" you have to be coy, and play busy, and say things like, "i miss you guys! it's too bad my class schedule is such a mess this month!" and eventually hope they get sick of it and hire someone else. very weird.
though i'm grateful that i'm officially above the age where the dads are a little inappropriate, it's weird to be at the ancient age of 25 where they instead ignore me completely and make it SO insanely awkward to talk to them. i swear, the family i work for fulltime, the dad still barely acknowledges my presence (after 2 years). when he gets home before the wife he starts talking really really fast and rushing me out the door. ummm, goodnight?
My favorite family to this day (they moved to the suburbs 2 years ago), is still my favorite in spite of how wildly inappropriate the dad was. in fact, i thought i was being too sensitive and sent my friend margaret over to work for me one night (not warning her about the dad) and the first thing she said when we talked after was "Oh my god, i thought he was going to rape me or something." so it wasn't just me. however, to make up for his boorish behavior he regularly gave me $50 and $100 bill tips. so i sucked it up and played sweet and bashful. the mom was great, the little girl was great, the dad just liked to drink (a lot) when they went out and would come home smashed to drive me home. oh well, we all have our faults. at least he paid cash for his.
to be honest, i don't know why kids like me so much. i don't coo at them or go all baby crazy. i don't even think i like kids any more than i like any other types of people. in fact i don't like anything just indiscrimately. it's a case by case basis. there are people who say things like "Oh! i LOVE dogs!" or "OOOO! i love babies!" but i'm more like "i don't have anything against dogs" i have babysat for asshole kids, and i've dogsat for asshole dogs. they exist. honest. you may be thinking well, kids aren't born bad, they're just raised badly but i beg to differ- i honestly believe that a good-natured kid has always been good-natured. happy people were happy babies. fussy, cranky, rude people were probably fussy uptight infants.
i know, i totally just broke one of the laws of humanity- i know you're all totally judging me right now. i'll probably wind up on one of those "i saw your nanny" websites. fuck it. someone needed to say it.
and the thing is, kids fucking LOVE me. seriously. i walk down the street and toddlers run up to me. it galls my sister rachael to no end. she's been totally baby crazy since she herself was baby and she has to do all these charms and work so hard to get children to like her. whereas i'm like the jesus of babies, i hold them and they stop crying, i look at them and they smile. i know, i totally jinxed myself by writing this. probably the real jesus is going to hate me for comparing myself to him and he's going to turn all the babies of the world against me. oh well. but anyway, i didn't mean to say all this. i guess what i was getting at is that there's a reason i nanny. i treat kids like people and not perfect amazing creatures and they love me for it. (i also have this theory that infants and children are drawn to women with big bosoms, but i won't go into it here...)
ANYWAY, (see what i mean about needing an outline?) back to my interview- as most of you know was on monday. I've been thinking more and more about going into non-profit development full time. i got a job in the spring as the development director of an itsy bitst non-profit on the northside and i'm really digging it. so i've started aiming my search in that same direction. i found this ad for a junior development executive at an infant welfare nonprofit and applied right away. i figured i'm good at infants, i'm good at nonprofits, and it's only a matter of time til i'm on welfare, so what the heck.
seriously though, the job would be perfect for me. it marries all my individual skills so much so that i didn't even have to lie on my resume. (well, not much anyway. actually embellish is a much better word...) so i get called in on this interview and we chatted for about a half hour. i think it went really well, i made them laugh a few times. but at this point in my life i've stopped trying to predict how well interviews go. if i were right half the time i'd have 11 jobs right now. I think they had a lot of entry level applicants because they asked me things like "how do you find and motivate volunteers?" and "have you ever worked on a silent auction?" basically things that i've been doing since high school. my one flaw was my lack of experience with nonprofit software. i'm really a technophobe, but i didn't say that. i said i was i really quick learner and work well independently and such... so yeah, that was my interview.
B- the possible demonic possession of my apartment:
ok, so many of you know my troubles with demons. basically to sum it up- they've plagued me my whole life. if you followed my notes on myspace then you're already familiar with my "gateway to hell on Bell (avenue)" story. well now, we are having similar troubles. i don't want to go into too much detail in case the demon is reading over my shoulder right now, but pretty much, weird things have been happening. it probably was not a good idea to see Paranormal Activity the weekend it opened, because i pretty much do not sleep anymore. at all. and if i do, i wake up after a few short hours feeling something tugging my leg. for reals. also, possibly there are dragging footsteps in the attic above us, the bed shakes sometimes, and i hear growling. no, like real growling, not like orion snoring growling. so scary. also, my cat gets demon eyes in the middle of the night. oh yeah, one more also, it's freezing in my apartment so i assume there must always be ghosts present (like in the sixth sense, you know when it gets cold because a ghost is there) because my landlord is soooo generous with the heat...
C- jon and kate plus 8
jon is useless douchebag slug.
i don't care what anyone says about kate. seriously they have 8 children. people who think kates an abusive nag must have no children or siblings because if you did you'd see that her husband is useless and those kinds of fights happen all the time when you have a big family. my mom was pregnant for 10 years of her life. she breastfed for two decades. i think her and my dad only recently started talking to each other like friends. it's stressful and overwhelming to have a lot of kids. they're needy and emotional and immediate. there are days when i come home from nannying and say "don't touch me or need anything from me for at least an hour" it can be rough, yo. take it from someone who's witnessed it and experienced it.
D- general comments
-i'm sort of exhausted now. and out of things to be snarky about... i can sum up the weekend? or halloween? ok then.
i don't know if anybody else has experienced this super flu cold thing that going around, but i'm on my second time. it's bad. high fever, respitory pressure. oh yeah, it's bad. so my friends the Stromers stayed with us this weekend and needless to say i was wrestling with the demon (my flu, not the real demon) for much of the time. unfortunately i was unable to be my usual insanely hungover hostess self, but i tried to make up for it by being a real hostess and doing things like cooking breakfast and mixing drinks. it taught me that i hate hostessing and can now cross B&B owner off of my list of possible future careers. anyway, i think they had fun. saturday night was nuts! i stuck it out til 2:30 then went home to steam my sinuses open. (i know, eww, gross, tmi whatever)
halloween was super fun too... and that's all i have to tell people publicly about that.
I think that brings this note to an end. in closing i'd like to restate my thesis: that i want to work at the un-named job i interviewed for because i care about infant's welfare and i'm good at fundraising, that my house and life are plagued by demons, that jon gosselin is a slug, and that i'm a fun time even while burning with a hallucinogenic fever.
now goodnight.
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