so, after taking a looong gym hiatus i stepped back on the scale on wednesday. YIKES! i've gained about 6 pounds. this was then compounded by the fact that i could barely and i mean baaaarrrreeelly get through 20 minutes on the stairmaster. i thought i was going to hurl. and i was totally covered in sweat. i had to walk around the track slowing sipping water before i could even contemplate hitting the elliptical. i'm such a bum.
in my fervor i decided the best thing to do was to get back on the wagon, cut out sweets and starches and go back to my whole foods eating plan. then i realized i was PMSing. big time. so the weight gain must be bloat, right? my boobs have been feeling that premenstral super swell. but how to know for sure? hmmmm...
it was this line of thinking that had me putting the bathroom scale on the dining room table and resting my boobs on it. it's difficult to get an acurate reading because you want just boob poundage and not any chest or body weight interferring. i think i got the set up just right when i bothered to look at the number: 22 POUNDS? what. the. fuck. that can't be right. so i leaned back a little, made sure it was just my boobs and the scale and came up with the much more reasonable 17.5. seventeen point fucking five. unreal.
so, of course, in my excitement that my body weight minus boob weight wasn't so bad i had to immediately tell the world this via facebook. only after i posted i realized how absurd it must look to other people. it got worse when my cousin posted that she was also retaining weight in the boobal area due to breastfeeding. it got me thinking: if the average full term fetus weighs 8 lbs, then my boobs are basically the equivalent of TWO full term babies resting on my chest. sheesh.
and then i got really creeped out.
but at least now i know how much premenstrual weight gain is concentrated in my bosoms.
now if only i could find a way to weigh my bottom... i'm sure that somewhere between boobs and butt the rest of me is positively svelt!
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