Friday, March 31, 2006
Current mood: full
um, you know how sometimes you have those dreams that seriously frighten you at a core level? i had one of those. woke up in a cold sweat at about four-thirty in the morning. couldn't fall back asleep, had to turn the lamp on and look around my room. it was bad.
i really think it would be interesting to make a sort of bad dream documentary because the thing is, if you even say the words "bad dream" out loud, everybody's got one to tell. it tells a lot about a person's psychological state, the kinds of things they're afraid of, i mean. there's the claustraphobia dream, the powerless dream, the trapped dream, the monster stuff... it gets even worse when you revert back to childhood trauma.
i know that generally dream details can be kind of boring for most people, but i get really into it. i think it's so personal.
i'm not going to get into the details of the one i had... typical non sequitor dream plots, weird people, hanging metaphors... it took me a while to figure out what the whole thing was about, but i think i've got it; i think i'm worried about my job making me insensitive.
you see, a good portion of what i do at the funeral home is grief counseling, and i have to deal with other people's feelings all day. i know it sounds terrible, but at the end of the day, i don't want to hear about how anybody feels. i'm constantly worried i'm going to wind up like the funeral directors whose behind closed doors callousness is really pretty appalling.
and i know that empathy is great. that we should all feel for each other. and communicate a larger pain or whatev. yet, i still find myself having to bite down on my frustration when my boyfriend wants to talk about how our days went and how he feels about shit. i mean, yeah, sure, i'm glad that he's a communicator, but really i'm pretty tired of everyone wanting me to know how they freakin feel all the time. i'd like to just start telling people to stop talking about what they feel and instead just do it. that'd be awsome... i'd be some kind of skeez perv, "let's not talk, just do what you feel." yeah.
it's so funny that supposedly i'm part of a generation that's obsessed with instant gratification. we get furious if it takes more than thirty seconds to download a song, but we're all so ready to commit to thirty hours of therapy a week to delve into deep seated psychological issues. please.
give me debilitating nightmares any day...
Currently reading:
Beyond the Walls : Selected Poems
By Nazim Hikmet
Release date: April, 2002
1:01 AM 1 Comments
This is obviously stemming from your poor treatment of the elderly women that have been falling down on their asses in front of your funeral parlor. Your lack of empathy at their obvious plight is starting to backlash.
Karma is, after all, a bitch. And bitches, we all know, will pay.
So everything will work out in the end. Somehow.
-----------
Wellington
No comments:
Post a Comment