Monday, November 3, 2008 at 4:34pm.
oh ma gash. so much to say.
we got rid of our crazy cat last night. i'm going to say "good riddence" on paper and hope that orion doesn't tell you i was crying. that cat was insane. seriously. tore the shit out of our house and basically destroyed anything that wasn't nailed down. this is on top of the fact that it ate EVERYTHING and occationally went swimming in the toilet. no, seriously. true story: i got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and woke the whole neighborhood up with the kind of scream a girl only emits when she thinks a sewer rat is climbing out of the toilet.
orion kept saying that if we got him neutered and declawed he'd be a great pet, but i think that's kind of awful. it's not like he'd be choosing to be a good pet, it's like we're basically forcing him to. kind of like saying your loser boyfriend would totally be marriage material if you got him casterated and put him through forced rehab.
so, now that i'm applying to law school i'm beginning to understand the humiliation that is the "Letter of Recommendation." talk about awkward, "hey, ummm remember 6 years ago when i took your creative writing class and we bonded over billy collins? how would you like to BS your way through 2 pages about my strengths and weaknesses?" At least in high school when you needed a LOR you were there, in school, with all your teachers and you saw them everyday. excuse me for being a little uncomfortable approaching people i haven't spoken to in forever and asking them to talk someone i've never met before into letting me go to their school.
plus you have to make all that small talk. ew.
plus times two the only professors who remember me are the ones who remember the notorious things. for instance, i have to ask my professor from my study abroad program to disregard the fact that i got my roomate deported for stealing $100 out of my suitcase and smuggling in drugs and try to focus on my dedicated work in the archeology field. the request email went something like this: "dear professor, please consider writing me a letter of recommendation for law school. i feel like we really bonded in the Bahamas in winter 2005. hopefully you'll remember my impromptu sing-alongs and organization of the talent show more than you'll remember that i was the only one in the history of depaul's study abroad program to ever get someone kicked off the island." promising, isn't it?
Not to mention that most of the requests go unanswered.
in other news, i still haven't started studying for the LSATs... i looked up some test prep classes (1200 FUCKING DOLLARS??!!) and bought a few books, but i'm terribly busy these days.
It was so good to see all the fam over the weekend. crazy times were had by all. i mean, there's the kind of humiliation that occurs in academia and then there's the kind of humiliation that comes from your family recalling all your awkward moments over jim beam and bottles of three buck chuck. I'll take the latter humiliation any day of the week.
Orion's new job is crazy. seriously. he's like that chick in The Devil Wears Prada. they call him at all hours of the day and night to say things like, "we're out of hand sanitizer at the main house" and "client x refuses to keep his pornographic materials in his room." Last night he spent about two hours on the phone with a client who swore his room had been burglerized while he was in the bathroom. mental health is a field i would never consider. strangely though, these episodes make me understand why my relationship with orion works so well. he has experience with unbalanced people and is never startled by my attempts to convince him that our apartment is haunted, or that someone snuck in while we slept and rifled through the file cabinet (identity theft is REAL, people!) More often than not, i find myself touched by how patient he is during these calls. the rest of the time i'm scowling and saying "can't we get through one goddamn meal without that phone?!" it's my fault for getting him a blackberry. i thought it would keep him in better touch with his family, i had no idea that things like "blackberry chat" are a vortex from which he will never emerge...
Also, if anyone has any experience writing a dynamite "personal statement" please feel free to give me a few tips. i am wondering if it's acceptable to put prince lyrics in there and also how much i should reflect on how my dad's obsession with the OJ simpson trial affected my development. i feel like i have so much to say about why i'd want to be a lawyer but statements like, "well, ultimately i'd like to be a TV judge, so becomming a lawyer is really only the first brick in the foundation..." tend to be greeted with laughter.
and, if you think i'm kidding about the whole "TV judge" thing, i'm totally not. Greg Mathis had best watch out.
COMMENTS:
Jacqueline: This is hilarious. OMG Orion's job....and if you need prince lyrics I posted some Sat. morning at 4:30 a.m. Tell me why you're applying to law school...were you an English major? You're so creative and vibrant...I think you'll hate it : ...) You should be writing for t.v.
November 3, 2008 at 6:08pm · LikeUnlike · .
Mom: Well, after all the family bonding over alcohol I recommend this as a personal statement:
"The human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."-Cliff Claven
November 3, 2008 at 6:51pm · LikeUnlike · .
Mom: You should go on the internet. There are "cute" cat pictures of cats sleeping in toilets and they even learn to use them AND flush. So the cat was very smart. But you should have gotten him neutered. It would have helped. And, animals should be managed; and boyfriends, but only if they're animals...
November 3, 2008 at 6:55pm · LikeUnlike · .
Dan: Don't worry.........you can go through 6 years of law school and make a difference for 36K a yearand work a mere 100 hours a week! Jill worked in a residential setting for awhile........so I can relate to Orion's woes! I would suggest driving a sewage sucker truck or becoming a Baby Photographer.......I think either one would be easier than law school. "Hey.........I'm flippin RAD!" How's that for a personal statement?!?!
November 3, 2008 at 9:09pm · LikeUnlike · .
Jacqueline: Talk to my brother about law careers. Mm--hmmmm....Your mom is funny too.
November 4, 2008 at 5:40am · LikeUnlike · .
Grace: I think I heard about your brother's post law school trouble... Didn't he have some hotshot job then got burned out, quit, and moved to china? Seriously, what am I doing in law-land. I mean, except for the whole TV judge thing (which I know... I would ROCK at) I'm starting to think I don't belong...
November 4, 2008 at 10:30am · LikeUnlike · .
Jacqueline: I speak as one who has contemplated it for about the past five years. Then I started reading about it and it became not even so much about my personal "compatibility" with law school...because I think I could tough it out if I had to...but... the economic realities...the glut of people with law degrees versus the number of high paying jobs that will allow you to pay off your colossal debt and actually have a life (I think in a typical first-year position at a firm you'd work at least 60-70 hours per week. Do you want to have kids? Value your home life more than your career? Etc. I certainly think you could "craft" your own career with law that would allow you some balance...but it's going to be a challenge.
November 4, 2008 at 10:47am · LikeUnlike · .
Sara: I love your mom.
November 5, 2008 at 12:51pm · LikeUnlike · .
Grace: leave it to my mom to be more clever than me IN MY OWN NOTE
November 5, 2008 at 1:27pm · LikeUnlike ·
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