Tuesday, July 01, 2008
grown up things
Current mood: grateful
Category: Music
so, i'm married now. it sounds really weird to say. honestly, i still haven't gotten used to it. i was freaking out the morning after the wedding because i expected everything to be exactly the same and it's totally not. at all. everyone who said that basically nothing would change because we'd lived together greviously mislead me. everything feels different. for one thing, you begin to see everything in terms of forever. like: "will i be removing his dirty clothes from the bathroom floor for the rest of my life?" and "are we always going to bicker about whose cleaning method is more efficient?" You begin to wonder if every little thing is going to carry indelible permanence. if one of us is in a bad mood, inevitably, the other one begins to think, "so, now that we're married we're going to do away with all the niceities, huh?" it's creepy. i don't like to think of anything in terms of forever. i was joking last night about that scene in The Princess Bride when wesley is captured by the Dread Pirate Rodgers who tells him every night before he goes to bed, "Goodnight... I'll most likely kill you in the morning." marriage is a lot easier to get used to if you don't let the institution of it box you in. so now i joke, "eh, i'll most likely break up with you in the morning." It keeps both of us from freaking out. one of our strengths as a couple is our ability to make highly inappropriate jokes about sacred things- like marriage. (i.e. see the wedding pictures where i am literally joking with arliss, liz, orion and anyone else in view of the altar during the ceremony mass) it's important that we keep our sense of humor. orion understands perfectly my inability to function when i feel trapped. that is one of the reasons i married him. and i don't feel trapped by our marriage at all... anytime i start to get freaked out by this big enormous weighty institution orion tells me the same thing he did when he was trying to get me to go out with him; "hey, it's not like i want to marry you, i just wanna get to know you..."
it's weird how fast the ceremony went too. the things i thought i would remember forever, walking down the aisle, saying my vows, turning to look at everyone, i seriously can barely recall. everything went so fast and i can't remember a word of it. it's like it was in fast-forward or something. i really didn't expect that. good thing there are pictures... married friends: is it like for everyone? or am i just such a commitmentphobe that i blocked it out? it was beautiful and emotionally overwhelming, i remember that...
Also, here's a list of things that happened the week we got married: i graduated from college, orion went sky-diving, our kitchen ceiling started caving in, our car overheated, our other car popped on the expressway, the twins i nanny had a roto-virus that gave them violent perpetual diharrea, two bridesmaids had to drop out... Now that's pressure. by the night before our wedding i was seriously shaking my fist at the sky and shouting "is that all you got?!" i am convinced that i am invinsible to stress now. like getting over the plague or even chicken pox, now that i've had the worst of it i will never really get it again. (yeah right...)
We bought a new car yesterday. it's adorable. a cute little toyota yaris. it's like driving a golf cart, seriously. our old car died suddenly and violently on lawrence avenue at about eleven pm. we had just spent $500 on a new radiator and a new fan. then the trans fell out. it was so weird... almost human. the car shuddered and passed out and started hemoraging oil. seriously. we decided enough with all the stress of broken and falling apart cars (we've gone through 3 in the last year: one got hit, the hood popped open on the expressway on the other one, and now this one is literally falling apart piece by expensive piece) so we bit the bullet and put all of our wedding present money on a down payment for a new, seriously 08 new, car. it's beautiful really.
Now, guys, now that i have your attention let's have a little chat. there are not going to be any babies (human babies, anyway, i just wuv my widdle yaris) any time soon. i feel like you're all jinxing me by constantly implying that now that i'm a married woman the babies are going to start popping out. geesh. i'm young and not ready to lose my girlish figure. Orion's turning 30 this year, so he's on a much more accelerated plan than i am, but i at least want to have a job with maternity leave before i start planning the hussar-weill jr.
which brings me to my next point: people, if anyone hears about any good standard office jobs opening up, let me know sos i can pass this here resume (pronounced "resume-ay") along. and don't just keep it for yourself because chances are i'm much better qualified anyway.
also, what's going on this summer? now that i'm not freakishly trying to turn in term papers, finish service hours, and plan an elaborate cermenony i find myself constantly bored and stir crazy. does anyone want to go camping?
one more thing, i know i said this before (and emotionally at that) but i feel so lucky to have all of you guys in my life. after the freak-outs of the last six months (i wouldn't want to be my friend anymore if i were you) and all the phone calls asking "what can we do to help?" i feel genuinely lucky to know so many good, honest, and loyal people. you guys are seriously the best. i know i don't say it enough- thanks.
Currently reading:
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
By David Sedaris
Release date: 2008-06-03
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